I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
His hands were made for my vagina.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
