fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
