Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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