Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
