Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
