I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
