HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
