Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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