do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
