Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
