yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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