drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
