Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
