I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
