It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize