it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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