After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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