I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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