therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
