dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
