Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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