I cannot find my penis.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
