look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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