He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
