I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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