Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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