My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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