what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Bring me that man meat
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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