I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
