Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
