I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
