I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
