Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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