So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
After tacos, we're chasing women.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize