If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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