She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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