He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
