I love black thongs
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
