hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
