I want to stick my p in your. b.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
