your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Blood and glitter go together right?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
