its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
