after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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