should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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