The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How drunk are you?
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