In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
