I looked at my own cervix.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
porn star boner night. come get it.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
