i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize