Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
