So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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