It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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