i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
people are starting to question the shark bite story
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
