also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
