I'm going to jail i love you
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
