I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
