my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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