we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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