this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
