you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
