I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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