where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
