Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
