splinters make it hard to masturbate
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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