You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
