She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Those nachos came to me in a dream
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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