Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
