She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
