it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
