At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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