So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Randomize