Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
