If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
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