Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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