I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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