i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
When did we convert life to cartoon?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Randomize
