Moan for me like Helen Keller
It's just like the Real World with babies
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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