im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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