dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
