Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
