Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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