babies were throwing up all over the place
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Randomize
