why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Randomize
