if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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