i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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