Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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