I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
