Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
