my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
