I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
