Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
