I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
