Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
