dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
