I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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