I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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