I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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