I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
